My clock reads 2:58 am.
My mind is restless.
So I decided to take a warm steamy shower to unwind. Then I just lost it.
So many thoughts and emotions running within me that are so utterly overwhelming.
Phantoms of past mistakes looking to steal my dreams of a future I so want but it seems so far out if reach.
Phantoms of feeling like a failure because I feel so angry deep within my corr that I can't control certain things and I end up spilling out anger or very hurt emotions.
I'm telling I have not been faithful in trusting God to fix... me.
I can trust with other things but me...oh man that's a whole different story.
There's a song on the radio right now that says, share your brokeness and I'll share mine, love can heal what hurt divides ... if we're honest.
I look at my daughter and my husband and think oh my gosh what was God thinking?!??!
I can not be that graceful loving fun have it all together wife and mom. Why God would you trust me with these roles???? I am feeling like such a failure. How many times will these little brown eyes eyes look at me and return grace??
And with all these raw emotions, even though I'm way far from complete "heart healing" that whisper from God gave me this.
This brokeness your daughter sees will teach her that no, she doesn't have to be perfect as she grows older, she doesn't have to have it all together, and its ok not to be ok. The pain your husband sees you endure will not last. They see the perseverance that will encourage them to not give up either.
So for whomever needs these words today...his yoke is easy and his burden is light.
-Jamie Zenteno with Women Simply Thriving