One of my most favorite times is my alone time with God. For me sometimes there are just powerful moments when your heart is completely filled up from God after all the junk this world throws at you.
Junk in our lives piles up and if left for too long it takes it toll.
I recently turned 30 - 2 weeks ago. (eek)
But in doing so I took time to really reflect on what I've done, what I would like to do and what I need to work on.
This song popped up on my music player when I was cleaning my house Tuesday evening: It is well by Bethel.
At first it was just me humming, then singing, then I felt that gentle nudge. Yes momma you know the one where God is saying stop. Come here. Sit with me on your knees. Lift up your hands to me.
By the time that song was over, I had hot streams of tears rolling down my skin, hands raised up high in worship to a God I believe takes my junk and gives me peace in return.
Doesn't seem quite fair does it? We pay God our junk and he sends gifts of grace in return?!? What kind of a God does that? Only this one. The one who sent His son to die for me.
Recently my daughter said while we were driving, mom I'm not perfect. There was no situation recently or words of correction that I had recently said to provoke that simple phrase from her. It was just out of the blue. So I said hun I don't want you to be perfect and neither does God. God just wants you to be you and to love Him. That's it.
Then, bam. It hit me. Perhaps she thought this because I try to not let things bother me. Perhaps because I demand perfection from myself. A friend recently told me Jamie, you have to stop trying to run your life for God and let him do it. I was a little mad. LOL honestly I was pretty ticked off. I thought not uh, within my whiny inner self, I give God control all the time.
But in all my recent reflections of my 30year old self.....God has a way of gently reminding you...ok in this instance bluntly reminding you...that no He should be in control not us.
No I really don't give God COMPLETE control over things all the time. I act strong to everyone and try my very best to stay on top of tough issues to be the example. However....God knows my inner most deepest self.
Why does God correct us? Because He wants us to be like him and corrects us when He knows our hearts aren't in line with His teachings.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.
After all we were created in his image.
Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
I really hate to admit it but my friend was right. Some of my life experiences have really gotten to me and rocked me to the core of my most inner being. I have lost relationships, I have lost finances, I have lost friends, I have lost church family, I have lost experiences I really wanted to have, I have lost time, I have lost a pregnancy, I have almost lost my marriage, I have lost myself at times even.
So all of that junk has made my human self not want to trust and say you know what I CAN take on whatever this life throws at me. In reality I was just building a wall so I wouldn't get hurt. As you can see though I was really just hurting myself wasn't I?
You see this all and mighty powerful God that I serve, I have to allow God to fully take it. I have to die daily to myself and really say and believe with every ounce of faith that I have been given to say yes Lord. I trust you today.
There's a part of that song that says:
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well
So let go my soul and trust in Him, The waves and wind still know His name
At the end of that worship time I felt so loved, so warm, so incredibly peaceful knowing that my mom self doesn't have to bare the weight of the world on my shoulders alone.
It is well with my soul.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend and that you rest in His peace knowing you can trust Him.
Jamie Zenteno @ Women Simply Thriving