When your marriage sucks and you don't know what to do

by Jamie Zenteno

There are moments in a marriage that define your relationship with your spouse either for the good OR for bad.

I remember when I first got married I was on cloud 9 with wedding bells chiming and love birds dancing within our presence. Then about a year and a half later our baby girl was born and our house looked like it was hit by a pink hurricane.

Then things started to get hard. I remember amidst those sleepless drained nights everything felt out of my control even the start us unraveling our marriage. Yes there I said it marriage isn't perfect.

It sucks sometimes.

I remember years 3 through 5 were our darkest times ever. We didn't want to be around each other, let alone be in the same house for more than 5 minutes. We were strained.

We each had a day job. Our baby girl. A youth ministry. A marriage. We were expected to take on new projects here and there. We were "suppose" to spend quality time together and save face and act like everything was ok...b/c ya know we were the ones people were suppose to look at to be the example.

Our foundation was cracking...actually more like crumbling...right before us and we had reached a point where we were both thinking nope. I'm done. This sucks I want out.

When a foundation cracks its causes problems everywhere. The walls show stress fractures of the underlining problem. Doors start to not close to conceal the things from within its walls. windows start to burst from the pressure being applied. Not only do these problems arise but if not taken care of the whole house will continue to sink lower and lower into the ground until one day it collapses from the unfixed foundation.

Our marriage was built on God, let me tell you that first.

I waited to date him. He courted me. He respected me and God's laws enough to wait for that. {Come on its 2015 you know what "that" is.} We got married and we had a solid foundation built on God.

So why did all of these problems start to happen?? We forgot.

We forgot who foundation was sometimes. WE tried to fix the problems, but you see WE can't do anything without the help of Jesus. Nothing works without Him.

It wasn't until I started to take time every single day with dear friend of mine to pray for my husband that I started to see things change. It wasn't easy. I wanted to give up. I wanted a divorce. People around me wanted us to get a divorce.

BUT I said no. No compromise. No relenting until this fixed. I'm going to war for my family, for my husband, for my marriage, and for our future.

I took the words written in this scripture very seriously. Even if it meant I was the only one praying in the beginning.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Slowly over the course of about a year God started to fix our foundation. We had placed deep gouges and holes in our foundation that we made by fighting, lack of confidence, lack of faith, resentment, jealousy, moments of doubt, wanting to go back to our past and etc.

We began praying more, talking more, really seeing the vision God had for us again. We became one again but again it was not over night. He revealed to use our mistakes, our faults, what we had to let go of, what was hurting us and yes that we had to forgive each other.

Its been 9 months since we have been restored and reconciled. Do we still have arguments. Yes we're not perfect. But I tell ya what those arguments we have now are not heated nor do the hold their grip. We disagree, we figure it out, forgive if need be and we move on.

Hun, don't give up on your marriage. God hasn't.

During my deepest darkest moments of my marriage when my daughter was asleep and husband was out fishing, I would put the worship music channel on and just pray on the living room floor.

God is so Good! I can't even begin to describe to explain the peace and joy we have now. He really is nothing short of amazing. I have fallen back in love with my husband and we have a love that is so deep I can't even begin to describe it.

If you're struggling in your marriage today I encourage you to find someone to talk to. DO NOT hold all your emotions in.

Read your bible for encouragement from the your heavenly God. You can't change your husband but God can....but you have to be patient.

Pray over your marriage even if its only you for right now.

Take oil and anoint your house and pray Joshua 24:15 over it. (You are your house will serve the Lord)


Matthew 21:22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Ephesians 4:26, 29-32, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry ... Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.


Finding Favor-Say Amen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRcvcF_0_9M

Oceans -Hillsong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QR2KGmL50k

Won't Relent-Jesus Culture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEJnePjJZaM

If you would like personal prayer for your marriage please don't hesitate to contact me at: womensimplythriving@gmail.com